Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Be who you already are.

What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of trying and failing.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

My girlfriend told me that she wants to move in with me. I have my own apartment and I like my peace and quiet, but I also love her. We've been together for a year now. What should I do?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s here now, writing to you.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

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So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

You are like me, then.

How would you feel about your husband allowing a mutual friend to see you naked and exposed to show off your pussy?

And the sadness?

The sadness was still there.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

When was the last time you had sex with someone much older than yourself?

It’s still here.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What CIA front organizations operated in the United States during the 1960s?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

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It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Why do I feel so lazy every time I get into my room?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

I had run out of hope.

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I was tired of fighting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.